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Heavy Mahogany

by The Dread Crew of Oddwood

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jessofrudolph
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jessofrudolph A high adventure metal meets acoustic melody worthy of any piratical discography. The energy, passion, and playful self-awareness are all in this superb album. Favorite track: A Portsman's Reverie.
Arrogant Bastard
Arrogant Bastard thumbnail
Arrogant Bastard Some jaunty local gents making rambunctious and raucous acoustic pirate shanties. I've seen them live many times, absolute animals and party people! Every song is a sexual pun or an aria to booze.
These balmy corsairs wield their heavy mahogany with the greatest of ease and thrust with impunity. Favorite track: When I Sail'd.
leratier
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leratier Le premier album de ce groupe de folk-pirate, avec un zeste de metal. Un peu moins bon que l'album suivant. Favorite track: Oddwood Saves America.
Miguel Kennedy
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Miguel Kennedy Oh god, these songs make me lactate!!!
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    Includes 24 page booklet with lyrics and artwork by Aries C. Bautista

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1.
Join us 'round the fire as we tell heroic tales, Of times before, away from shore, yes, times when we set sail! We'll fill your dreams with warriors, with treasure and with beasts, And women much more charming than you'd possibly believe! We'll have meat, bread, and wine! Ale and other brews, Mead for good measure, since meat is only food! Juicy roasted chicken, pork-filled sausages and beer, We'll sing and laugh and dance and hope to live another year! If we're still awake we'll play our instruments all night, And sing again, of mighty men, and Queens and daring fights We'll fill your dreams with pirates ships, with whales and giant squid, And cities burning to the ground through evil deeds we did! We'll have meat, bread, and wine! Ale and other brews, Mead for good measure, since meat is only food! Juicy roasted chicken, pork-filled sausages and beer, We'll sing and laugh and dance and hope to live another year! Here's to good health, to a long happy life To many more days and warm festive nights Here's to our women, and to songs that we sing But enough of that, just grab your lass, and have another drink! I wonder how I got here; Life is very strange I look to the stars in the dead of the night, and I feel my life has changed Pause to remember lost heroes, our friends, our comrades gone Let's raise our cups up to the sky, and drink and eat 'til dawn! We'll have meat, bread, and wine! Ale and other brews, Mead for good measure, since meat is only food! Juicy roasted chicken, pork-filled sausages and beer, We'll sing and laugh and dance and hope to live another year! Here's to good health, to a long happy life To many more days and warm festive nights Here's to our women, and to songs that we sing But enough of that, just grab your lass, and have another drink!
2.
My name was Captain Kidd, when I sail'd, (when I sail'd) And so wickedly I did, God's laws I did forbid, And so wickedly I did, When I sail'd, (when I sail'd). I roam'd from sound to sound, And many ships I found, To Hell I sent them bound, When I sail'd, (when I sail'd). Feast, the world is yours, as you sail, as you sail Drink, your time is now, as you sail, as you sail; Fight, and make your mark, before you lie, before you lie Sail into the dark, before you die, before you die. On my Galley I waged war, when I sail'd, (when I sail'd) I murder'd William Moore, And laid him in his gore, Not many leagues from shore, when I sail'd, (when I sail'd). The Quedagh Merchant fell, In a sea of heavy swell, And 40 tons I held, when I sail'd, (when I sail'd). Feast, the world is yours, as you sail, as you sail Drink, your time is now, as you sail, as you sail; Fight, and make your mark, before you lie, before you lie Sail into the dark, before you die, before you die. I stand out in the cold, for I must die, (I must die) Farewell to young and old, all bloody seamen bold, You're welcome to my gold, since I must die, (I must die). Goodbye to Lunnon town, the pretty girls all roun', No pardon can be found, and I must die, (I must die) Then to eternity, in hideous misery, I curse the black night sea, for I must die, (I must die) I curse the black night sea, for I must die.
3.
The storm formed like marauders in an ambush from the sea It effortlessly tore through that vessel of our greed Three days ago I would have killed to leave this fate behind, And escape my watery grave! In what I'm sure will be the last few minutes of this curse An addled thought suggests I use the sea to quench my thirst Three days ago I would have bet my life that I'd have drowned To escape my watery grave! Cannon fire, thief and liar, starving and alone! Dessicated, silver-tongued forgotten sack of bones! Hallucination, aberration, demon from below! Don't tell me about perdition, I don't think you'd know! I fill my gut with water ‘til I'm bursting at the seams Then vomit out the evil blood that courses through my being Three days ago I would have given up this evil life To escape this watery grave! Cannon fire, thief and liar, life was overblown! Dessicated, twisted husk, your kingdom overthrown! Hallucination, aberration, demon from below! Don't tell me about perdition, I don't think you'd know! Someone wiser than myself once said that great men die before their time! But no-one ever told me that the greatest are remembered or forgotten for their crimes! The sun burns through my dried out flesh, it drinks my life away But leaves with me the things of which I'd prefer not to say Three days ago my tombstone would have been fit for a king Now this flotsam epitaph will have to do for me! Cannon fire, thief and liar, life was not atoned! Dessicated, rotting corpse, forgotten and alone! Hallucination, aberration, demon from below! Don't tell me about perdition, Don't tell me about perdition Don't tell me about perdition, I don't think you'd know.
4.
Airship flies into the night, armed to the teeth for an end-all fight Up our anchors cast away, into the void through night and day With Oddwood gathering worldwide fame, this aerial ark puts Noah's to shame The ocean frontier we seek to leave, for boundless heights that the zeppelin achieves Fly! Sky high, with land and sea behind Oh! Oh no, this goddamn thing's so slow We soar through the sky over mountains and plains, bombing for fun and proclaiming our name The Airship of Oddwood will kill all in sight! Plated in steel and filled up with gas, you better believe it'll blow up your ass Missiles and cannons from aft to keel, and top-secret weapons we shall not reveal So hide your wives but prepare for your slaughter; we'll descend on your town and kidnap your daughter! Fly! Sky high, with land and sea behind Oh! Oh no, this goddamn thing's so slow We soar through the sky over mountains and plains, bombing for fun and proclaiming our name The Airship of Oddwood will win every fight! We've come to lay waste to your town, incendiary wrath unbound Your soldiers shoot in futile attempt, but we have brought hellfire heaven-sent! Fly! Sky high, with land and sea behind Oh! Oh no, this goddamn thing's so slow We soar through the sky over mountains and plains, bombing for fun and proclaiming our name The Dread Crew of Oddwood has now conquered flight!
5.
In 1776, the British redcoats won the Battle of Long Island against George Washington While losing troops amidst defeat he knew not what to do "Take your men and flee by night", said the battle-scarred dread crew "Again you've come to save me, so I should not command; morale is low and I don't know if we will win this land" We said, "We've saved your ass before and sure, we'll do it again, you must cross the fucking Delaware and sack the town Trenton!" We'll let justice be done, though the heavens should fall, as we fight for our colonies With Oddwood and Washington conquering all, to triumph through liberty The colonel did as he was told and thusly turned the tide, winning battles right and left with the dread crew right beside King George III was furious that the other George was better, so he sent by carrier pigeon a most vindictive letter: I'll rally all my forces by water and by land My light dragoons and horses Shall kill at my command I'll burn both town and city with smoke becloud the day I'll show no human pity for North America! We have a new Commander who fears not sword or gun, working with The Dread Crew, his name is Washington! We'll take our swords and muskets and march in dread array, and drive you British bastards from North America!! Hail Britannia, Britannia rules the waves We'll let justice be done, though the heavens should fall, as we fight for our colonies With Oddwood and Washington conquering all, to triumph through liberty To triumph through liberty To triumph through liberty
6.
A man sits alone frail and decaying On the edge of a wharf silently praying His life hanging loose off the ends of his bones He dreams of the day on the sea he may roam He once had a love a beauty I'm told He gave her his heart but Poseidon took hold His beard has grown gray in wretched despair He curses the ocean and longs for her there Despite what you've seen, entranced by your dreams Hold tight to your dearest memories You've been here too long, and your mind is not strong This tale is but a portsman's reverie A fog blankets in and smothers the moor When through the thick mist a shape most obscure From darkness she came with delicate step Across mirrored water she quietly crept As the woman drew nigh the portsman took heed her soft voice familiar to the ocean she'd lead His beloved now close so haunting her face as the waves cover both in eternal embrace Despite what you've seen, entranced by your dreams Hold tight to your dearest memories You've been here too long, and your mind is not strong This tale is but a portsman's reverie
7.
There are those times in Oddwood's life where rape becomes a chore; where stifling those unwilling cries- it turns into quite a bore. One night like this our lecherous crew did scour a town we sack'd For a brothel or a house where we could bathe in tits and twat! We burst into a wooden building wrought with hanging rags, And were pleased to find a slew of willing prostitutes and slags. The stench it filled our nostrils and the sights they stang our eyes And the ladies gave us booze and had us wrapped between their thighs. Sailors, men and buccaneers: beware the hooker's knife- For a lady with a juicy clam is not quite worth your life. We sing to you a song quite true of the night we nearly lost Our rigging boots, our swords and guns, our jewels and our cocks. We tossed aside our guns, our swords, our axes and our blades After all, we hail from Oddwood! Why should we be afraid? The skillful whores had us engorged, relaxed and then subdued And began their matronly attack whilst we were in the nude. T'was halfway through a lovely screw when we first saw the gleam Of this portly gypsy's scimitar as she charged us with a scream With a crash we leapt to action- and dodged her for our lives But before the bitch could stab us Castle jizzed into her eyes! The floozies had us cornered with our own damn swords and guns whilst our asses backed against a wall painted in cum As the girls closed in on us- we had but one choice left To bone our way through all these gals- and give them all the shaft! In a blur of pubes and chest hair, the beaver bashing banged Through the hefty and the skinny, every chick was wanged! We scampered to exit and although we dodged their trap- The following day, we're sad to say we all had caught the clap.
8.
Berzerker 01:51
Drink their blood and eat their hearts, disfigure skin and bones Kill them all and take no prisoners, slash their lungs and throats! Fill our goblets with the wine that flows out from their veins Terrorize their mortal souls and piss on their remains! Fuck their women, raze their homes, spread immorality Take their treasure, for our greed, our duplicity Make them pay for nothing more than standing in our way Ostracize their thoughts and dreams and piss on their remains, Berzerker! Burn their village, mutilate, violate and curse Open up their heads with hammers, show them what they're worth Gold and jewels, magic rings, and swords of long-lost reigns Mesmerize their daughters while we piss on their remains! Slaughter all that's in our path, be it man or foul beast Salt their land and steal their food, 'til pillaging is complete Fault is theirs for being there, they knew that we’re insane Victimize them, rape them, beat them, drink their blood and fucking eat them Break their bones then drop our pants and shit on their remains, Berzerker!
9.
YIP!
10.
Petty Theft 04:14
It all started on a summer night, at a shady seaside saloon A man walked in, sat down at our table and he told us the story that was the basis of this tune. Now we'd never seen his face before, but since he just came to port, We decided that we should hear him out; he seemed a trustworthy sort. Well, the governor's gold was being moved, you see, and was loaded on his ship! The man only wanted a small cut for his trouble, he said, "Just a little bit." Needless to say, we graciously agreed, we were lookin’ for trouble as usual. We decided when we'd go, and also where we'd meet; the job's execution would be beautiful. (Let's Rock!) Well there we were, at the edge of the docks, waitin’ for the guard to turn around We saw our chance, then made our move, all without making the slightest sound! We slithered up the plank, then down into the hold We tore that place apart, but not one coin of gold! We looked at one another; we all thought the same thing How could this have happened? What were we to do? Somebody talked, who found out, who, who!? WAS IT YOU?! “There's nothing here! We've been sold out!” “Something is Dread-fully wrong!” “The man at the bar! It must have been!” “I blame you, you brought us along!” “Will everyone please just settle down!” “Settle down?! We've been betrayed!” “Well we got in, so we can get away! For a group like us this should be child's play!” We scurried 'round the room, no other way out We heard the footsteps coming, the guards began to shout Our heads began to swim, what were we to do? How could we have been trapped by these blundering buffoons?! “We needed to form a plan right now, if not now, soon!” (Then,) BANG BANG BANG! A knock comes to the door! One voice, two voice, three voice, four! “Wait, wait, I hear a fifth! And they have something to say!” How could this have happened, it must be foul play! (They said,) “ALL OF YOU! Put your weapons down! You're outnumbered, you haven't got a chance, stand down!” “It was at that moment, we formed a little plot All it took was eyebrows, a wink and a shared thought.” “And we said:” We're the Dread Crew of Oddwood, who stands against us!? Tonight we teach you a lesson! Tonight we spill your guts! We don't care if you don't believe us, but this is how it all went down! We flayed those pompous sons of whores, and sacked their fucking town! If you hold your tongues, you'll get to keep them in your throats, And if you try to fight you'll be murdered on this boat! And when we're through with you, we'll fucking ravage all your lands! We'll beat your bloody corpses with your children's severed hands! We stomped off to our places, all around the room They looked at one another, oblivious to their doom! We all looked at each other, we then began to shout They mustered up their arms, they thought they had a chance, One, two, three, four, time to fucking dance! We hacked and we slashed; fought our way back home! Never found the treasure, but their blood's as good as gold! We burned the dead men's carcasses and made out with their wives, And to this very day that was the best damn day of our lives! Yeah!
11.
The night was filled with drink and song, with gambling and deceit 
Pipes of wine were offered up to all who walked the street
 Harlots latched on each our arms, drunk and full of meat Let’s head back to the brothel for a little more to eat The smells of sex and food and booze greeted as they passed
Tempting us with untold bliss, they knew our thirst was vast
We gathered ‘round a table where the liars dice were cast
This epic night would soon be gone and it would be our last

 Our binge did carry on till the night became the day
 Till all ill gotten riches were carelessly pissed away
 As we staggered to our ship, the world began to shake
All around us brick and timber threatening to break. 
Mouths of hell tore from the ground, whilst fire spewed from below
 Divine wrath’s eyes set upon us all and our fear began to grow 
We spent our days with no regret, living life in the afterglow
Now the Earth looks to consume us, we all reap what we sow 

Sand and unpaved streets did rise and fall like violent waves
As buildings turned to rubble leaving many unmarked graves
Praying to be saved, towards the church we made to flee
But god’s house hath forsaken us, descending deep to sea 

Mighty tremors came and went, spreading chaos and debris
As off the shore, the water swelled and leapt out of the sea
 Ghastly tides attacked the town, wailing like a banshee
 And left behind a salty void where Port Royal should be
  “Nothing else was seen but the dead and dying and heard but shrieks and cries”
As the sea retreated, taking with it all our sins and lives.
12.
The story I tell could be straight out of Hell, but it's true because I was there. A rich jungle town ruled by Spanish crown stench of decay in the air Now who would lay waste to a town in such haste as to leave all its riches behind? The townsfolk half-eaten and shredded to pieces "Perhaps a large beast!" crossed my mind We loaded up riches and dead native bitches but men had surrounded all sides. Their teeth bared in hunger to tear us asunder black holes remain of their eyes We gave them a fight, the fight of our lives! But our weapons were useless on them So I put down my gun, ran the fastest I'd ever run to get back to safety again The undead rise to end our lives the frequency of this misery is every now andthen Fight! for our gold, for our souls, for our brains Kill! these shambling hordes right in our way Run! for the hills, far away from the dead Die! by the zombies that gnaw on our heads! The undead rise to end our lives the frequency of this misery is every now andthen Fight! for our gold, for our souls, for our brains Kill! these shambling hordes right in our way Run! for the hills, far away from the dead Die! by the zombies that gnaw on our heads!
13.
We've entered into a quest with not an end in sight What demons will appear by night? (way haul away) Does a wretched whale dread descent into the darkest seas? Swimming down to Hell with ease (way haul away) Fight and you die or live as a slave; life is worth fighting for a burnt shallow grave Our bodies may rot, our bones fade away, but our souls will live on through the music we play Life as we know it is truly unknown Chance has always overthrown (way haul away) We know that we cannot last, yet a fortune we yearn, ‘til Death brings end and money burns (way haul away) Fight and you die or live as a slave; life is worth fighting for a burnt shallow grave Our bodies may rot, our bones fade away, but our souls will live on through the music we play We'll ride out the wave with one foot in the grave, as Oddwood lives on in most lecherous rage Our souls intertwined as a legend in minds, we'll rise from the embers and kill Father Time
14.
In a time not so long ago, when serpents roamed the seas The men were brave, for adventure they craved! In their swords they did believe! How I survived that night I don't know, but my sanity I left behind One day I'll grow old, let my story be told, and you'll know I'm still alive, a fate worse than death... Dead men brought back from their graves by daemons from the east In metal we trust! Let not our steel rust! In our swords we must believe! Now comes the time to fight the black beast that lies beneath the waves I'm not dead yet, but if death wins our bet, then I'll owe him more than the life I'd gladly give... Consume the soul of the serpent Tear its scaled flesh limb from limb! It sails through the night, fight the good fight, and we'll watch it burn! Exhume the bones of your comrades By witchcraft they'll rise from the grave They'll sail through the seas, by storm or by breeze And curse our souls tonight! The day is passed when we stood tall against that daemoniac thing We'll throw up our horns, and we'll be reborn! In our swords we did believe! Endowed with this blood, our might is unmatched as it trickles down our throats! We'll drink from our horns, and carve with our swords, prepare our final meal, the serpent's feast... Consume the soul of the serpent Tear its scaled flesh limb from limb! It sails through the night, fight the good fight And we'll watch it burn! Exhume the bones of your comrades By witchcraft they'll rise from the grave They'll sail through the seas, by storm or by breeze And end our lives tonight!
15.
I pass, like night, from land to land I have strange power of speech; I know the man that must hear me: To him my tale I teach. 'God save thee, ancient Mariner, From fiends that plague thee thus! - Why look'st thou so?' -"With my crossbow I shot the Albatross." Water, water, every where, And all the boards did shrink; Water, water, every where, Nor any drop to drink. About, about, in reel and rout The death-fires danced at night; The water, like a witch's oils, Burnt blue, and green, and white. "Farewell, farewell! but this I tell To thee, the Wedding-Feast ! He prayeth well, who loveth well Both man and bird and beast. He prayeth best, who loveth best All things both great and small; For the dear God who loveth us, He made and loveth all."

about

We last left our heroes of Oddwood amidst the company of an evil aquatic behemoth known only as “Rocktopus,” a true terror of the high seas. With its slimy, tentacled arms outstretched, it craves nothing more than to devour sailors’ flesh and perpetuate its own narcissistic legend. The crew members weigh their options, and after much debate, decide to sail around it. Insulted, Rocktopus pursues the vessel.

As the crew readies for battle against their gargantuan foe, they hear a cry from the East. A pterodactyl descends upon the deck and clasps down on Finwe Theodore. Hives erupt all over his body and he begins to sneeze wildly. “Oh no! Finwe is deathly allergic to pterodactyls!” shouts Riven. Captain Wolfbeard rushes over and grabs hold of his comrade to anchor him down, but his brute strength is no match for the pterosaur’s fierce claws, and Finwe is carried away.

Unnerved by the chaos, the crew unleashes tempestuous wrath on the salty demon before them, tearing it limb from limb and draining its life meter completely. As Rocktopus slides into its bloody, watery grave, it bursts into millions of pieces. The ravaged travellers gather their composure and calamari dinner from the deck floor, noticing a peculiar item amidst the debris—Rocktopus, in album form!

With the acquirement of this new, victorious disc, the party sets off in pursuit of Finwe‘s prehistoric aerial captor and pillages coasts up and down the globe for information. The loss of Finwe is felt by everyone, but affects Nathaniel Grizzlejaw most of all. Beside himself at the parting of his platonic friend, he mopes about the ship aimlessly for days on end, descending into dementia. One day he jumps overboard, and upon his retrieval from the ocean by Rouba Juba, the crew realizes that the quartermaster has already swallowed too many big gulps of seawater. Grizzlejaw withers into the fetal position, a soulless, desiccated husk of his former self.

With the loss of Finwe and Grizzlejaw, along with the late Victor Crow and Elvil Rumsik, only five travellers remain: Wolfbeard O’Brady, Rouba Juba, Castle, Smithy Crow and Riven Rahl. They no longer wish to continue living in the modern world, a cold and bitter place, preferring to return to their own time of endless bounty and exploration—1740. Armed with the late Crow’s discovery of temporal rifts in the Atlantic, the crew embarks for the Sargasso Sea.

Whilst sailing through mirrored waters, an iceberg comes from out of nowhere and tears a gash in Chromatica’s hull. The vessel takes on water faster than Wolfbeard takes to liquor, and the group scurries on to the berg just as Chromatica dips beneath the waves. Weeks pass with no spare luck as the iceberg drifts aimlessly through the sea; this angers Castle. “There’s no women; therefore, there’s no whiskey.” Wolfbeard, hungry and perturbed, notices what he thinks to be patches of grass growing on the berg, but upon closer inspection, finds a pair of beards peeking through the ice! Infuriated, he grabs both and pulls with all his might, breaking through the ice and removing two frozen Viking twins!

The group argues about what to do with its hairy discovery, and decides to let the twins thaw before eating them. As Wolfbeard gnaws on an arm, the Viking shouts, “Jeg skal kutte av deg hodet og drite ned halsen din!” which they mistranslate as “Hello, please stop eating me.” After a lengthy conversation, the crew agrees to help the Vikings return to their own time, 1,000 years prior, as they’ve been trapped under ice ever since. Despite the twins’ best efforts to teach The Dread Crew their unpronounceable Viking names, they are christened Stark and Deckard Cordwain. The crew exhumes more relics of old from the iceberg, including a wooly mammoth, whose fur they craft into manly and archaic sails. As they enter the mysterious realm of the Sargasso, the skies blacken and the waves grow fierce, giving way to the maelstrom of Time.

Soon enough, the crew emerges in a different era, and stops into America for a warm cup of coffee. But it is not their time at all; they find themselves in 1776, amidst a war between the Colonies and Britain! After hassling a local, they find the man in charge of this bedlam—Colonel George Washington. He is worried about the future of the Colonies, but The Dread Crew provides Washington with invaluable advice that eventually turns the tide against the British and ends the War for Independence. A most humbled Washington, now indebted to our heroes, offers to tag along and aid them in their return to 1740, and the travelers make their way to the Sargasso once again.

Upon completing their temporal journey, the crew notices airplanes flying overhead, and enters into a very decimated Germany. “What century is this?” asks Washington. The crew regales the general with stories of a certain madman (who shan’t be named) and his evil plot for world domination. “I am outraged,” says Washington, “Where is this man?” The crew slaughters an entire convoy of Nazis, leaving all but one to reveal the führer’s whereabouts—a bunker hideout. The Dread Crew marches on, storming the cowardly man’s shelterwith the American general leading the way.Washington kicks down the steel-reinforced door, and, standing proud and tall with a spear-mounted American flag in hand, proclaims, “In the name of the United States of America, I shall lay my vengeance upon thee!” The genocidal Chaplin lookalike screams as Washington impales him through his blackened heart, spewing highly acidic Nazi-blood everywhere and melting a few of George’s teeth (later to be replaced by wooden teeth carved by the crew’s carpenter, Rouba Juba). The group ravishes the führer’s wife and sets fire to them both, escaping in a stolen airship.

The next morning, as our heroes are making their way back to the Sargasso, Washington informs the crew that he feels as though he is disregarding his call of duty, and would like to return to his time. Riven, preoccupied with a human female, confuses Washington by saying, “I already went,” and Washington quickly jumps overboard into the maelstrom below, in hopes of travelling back in time to co-found his country. Too busy with his newfound love of hot German girls to notice what happened, Riven rolls back over, bumping into the control panel and accidentally sending the Airship of Oddwood into a nose dive, straight into the wrong wormhole. This mishap sends the crew back to the future, and due to the inconsistent nature of time travel, they become trapped in the modern world again.

Upon their not-so-triumphant return, the group decides that the only logical course of action is to unleash a collection of songs that stir fear into the hearts of men and lust into the hearts of women...an aural masterpiece composed entirely of testosterone, hard liquor, and Heavy Mahogany, channelling the raw energy and might of the Gods themselves. Women cannot help but throw themselves onto the group as they are magnetically drawn to exuberant facial hair and manliness. With their soaring fame, sheer glory and limitless concubines, The Dread Crew sets forth on further quests to pillage and plunder the modern world, thus immortalizing themselves forever, musically and historically through Heavy Mahogany!!

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released April 21, 2012

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